In the news today we find our that Whales and Hippos are, in fact, close cousins. Some of us have suspected this for a while now, but said nothing for obvious reasons.
Apparently, about 50 to 60 million years ago their great-great-grand-parents split up due to an argument over pizza toppings – the whale side wanted anchovies, the hippo side didn’t. So a family feud started resulting in one side of the family going dry, the other side going wet. Tragically, they haven’t spoken since.
In much the same way, I am genuinely related to the great Kiwi actor Russell Crowe. Or, as he would prefer to put it, he is related to me.
You see … several years ago my late favourite aunt fell in love with a chap called …. ummm, called, … [substitute his name when I remember it]. They were both in their goldenish years – not old enough for free bus passes yet, but old enough to remember the “old days” and how much better things were way back then.
She, my aunt, had remained single for her entire previous life and so it was a pleasant surprise to us all when she fell in love. [Don’t tell my mother that I’m airing family laundry in public like this but ] eventually they even moved in together, but they split up before ever marrying.
But anyway, his great grand father and Russell Crowe’s great grand father were brothers!
So, my aunt was almost married to Russell Crowe’s great grand father’s brother … which makes me a close cousin of Russell Crowe.
Given that I’m also related to THE Kennedy clan, (it’s a long story – JFK descended from the Rosslare, Ireland, Kennedys and so did my wife), means that Russell Crowe is part of the Kennedy Clan too!
Which, when I think about it, means that we are both related to Arnie!
All this proves that with too much coffee anyone can prove that they are interesting.